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BEING A LITTLE LESS PERFECT AS A MOM ONCE IN A WHILE FEELS GREAT
5 Sep 2018
Having my first child was like a bomb had been dropped in my otherwise happy and balanced life. I was completely unprepared, and I felt desperate, lonely and confused in a way that I never expected. Looking back on the first months after the birth of my son, Fabian, I realise that it was much more complicated than merely having trouble adjusting to my role as a new mother. I had a difficult delivery due to pregnancy toxaemia, and I was physically affected for weeks after. My boyfriend was working, so my mother had to move in to care for my son, and the fact that I was unable to meet his basic needs myself made me feel like a failure. It was so far from my fairy-tale picture of perfect motherhood.
When I got pregnant with my daughter, Ingrid, a few years after, I was worried if history would repeat itself: however, everything turned out differently. During labour, I felt in control, and I felt like my body was doing what it was designed to, like invincible Mother Earth. I recovered quickly, and life with Ingrid was easy and straightforward. I never worried if I was a good enough as a mother. I just knew instinctively that I was.
When I think about the difference between the first and the second time, I know that the deciding factor was the actual delivery and the weeks after. How your life as mother begins is extremely important and giving birth can be traumatising, if you end up feeling powerless and stripped of your physical or emotional integrity. Or, it can be extremely empowering, if you are fortunate enough to have a good experience. The love for your child is the same, but your sense of self can be so different.
Another thing that I learned along the way is that not everything has to be perfect. So what if a toddler eats a non-organic ice cream and gets a little sugar dizzy! Or, if your house is a mess for a few months! Motherhood is the most wonderful, challenging and ambivalent experience in life – and everybody has an opinion on what a good mother is. In my experience, being a little less perfect as a mom once in a while feels great.
